“Confucious say: He who know little, soon tell it!” Here are 100 similar humorous anecdotes by the King of wisdom himself. These are great for sharing at parties or among friends or family

1. Confucius say, virginity like bubble. One prick – all gone

2. Confucius say, bird in the hand is not better than two in the bush

3. Confucius say, man who do business in whore house get jerked around

4. Confucius say, gypsies got no babies because gypsies have crystal balls

5. Confucius say, panties not best thing on earth, but next to it

6. Confucius say, war not determine who right. War determine who left

7. Confucius say, woman who put husband in doghouse soon find him in cat house

8. Confucius say, man who fight with wife all day, get no piece at night

9. Confucius say, it take many nail to build crib, one screw to fill it

10. Confucius say, man who keep feet on ground have trouble putting on pants

11. Confucius say, if you want pretty nurse, you got to be patient

12. Confucius say, passionate kiss like spider web, soon lead to undoing of fly

13. Confucius say, man with hand in pocket feel cocky all day long

14. Confucius say, couple on seven day honeymoon make whole week

15. Confucius say, woman who go camping must beware of evil intent

16. Confucius say, squirrel who runs up woman’s leg not find nuts

17. Confucius say, man who run before bus get tired

18. Confucius say, man who run behind bus get exhausted

19. Confucius say, man with tool in woman’s mouth not necessarily dentist

20. Confucius say, man who make love on side of hill not on level

21. Confucius say, sex is like the army, the closer you are to discharge, the better you feel

22. Confucius say, man with tight trousers is pressing his luck

23. Confucius say, man who stand on toilet high on pot

24. Confucius say, man who eat crackers in bed wake up feeling crummy

25. Confucius say, man with hand in pocket all day not crazy, just feeling nuts

26. Confucius say, man who sleep in bed of nails is holy

27. Confucius say, do not drink and park, accidents cause people

28. Confucius say, man who put pea in soup very unclean

29. Confucius say, man who run through airport turnstile sideways going to Bangkok

30. Confucius say, boy who go to sleep with sex problem on mind wake up with solution in hand

31. Confucius say, man who fishes in another woman’s well, often catches crab

32. Confucius say, to meet girl in park is good, but to park meat in girl is better

33. Confucius say, squirrel lay on rock and crack nuts, man lay on crack and rock nuts

34. Confucius say, butcher who back into meat grinder get a little behind in his orders

35. Confucius say, electrician get much angry when find shorts in wife’s bedroom¦

36. Confucius say, man who shoot off mouth, must expect to lose face

37. Confucius say, man with big mouth beware of foot

38. Confucius say, man who fart in church, sit in own pew

39. Confucius say, woman who fly upside down have crack up

40. Confucius say, man who leap off cliff jump to conclusion

41. Confucius say, man under wheelbarrow playing with tool, not necessarily mechanic

42. Confucius say, house without bathroom is uncanny

43. Confucius say, foolish man give wife grand piano, wise man give wife upright organ

44. Confucius say, man who sits on stool smells like shit

45. Confucius say, man who throws dirt is losing ground

46. Confucius say, woman who go to man’s apartment for snack, get titbit

47. Confucius say, man who lay woman on ground, get piece on earth

48. Confucius say, man who get kicked in testicles, left holding the bag

49. Confucius say, man who kisses girl’s behind, get crack in face

50. Confucius say, girl who ride bicycle, peddle ass all over town

51. Confucius say, man with penis in peanut butter jar, fucking nuts

52. Confucius say, man who buy drowned cat, get wet pussy

53. Confucius say, man trapped in pantry, have ass in jam

54. Confucius say, learn to masturbate – come in handy

55. Confucius say, girl who sit on jockey’s lap get hot tip

56. Confucius say, girl who sit on judge’s lap get honorable discharge

57. Confucius say, waitress who sit on leper’s lap, keep tip

58. Confucius say, man who snort coke, get bubbles up nose

59. Confucius say, cow with no legs, ground beef

60. Confucius say, two wrongs not make right, but two rights make U-turn

61. Confucius say, baby born in car with automatic transmission, grow to become shiftless bastard

62. Confucius say, finding old man in dark, not hard

63. Confucius say, man who smoke pot, choke on handle

64. Confucius say, OK for shit to happen – will decompose

65. Confucius say, man with head on railroad track, listening for train to come, get splitting headache

66. Confucius say, man who sneeze without tissue take matter into own hands

67. Confucius say, secretary become permanent fixture, when screwed on desk

68. Confucius say, man who drive like hell, bound to get there

69. Confucius say, man who sit on tack, get point

70. Confucius say, man who put cream in tart, not always baker

71. Confucius say, woman who spend much time on bedspring, may get offspring

72. Confucius say, sex on beach like American beer – fucking near water

73. Confucius say, man who masturbate, only screwing himself

74. Confucius say, woman who dance wearing jock strap, have make believe ballroom

75. Confucius say, support bacteria – is only culture some people have

76. Confucius say, man with athletic finger, make broad jump

77. Confucius say, man who sit on upturned tack, rise above all

78. Confucius say, wash face in morning, neck at night

79. Confucius say, man who have last laugh, not get joke

80. Confucius say, man who sleep with old hen, find it better than pullet

81. Confucius say, man piss in wind, wind piss back

82. Confucius say, man who eat pussy, do lip service

83. Confucius say, girl who marry detective, like to kiss dick

84. Confucius say, men may have more hair on chest than woman, but on the whole, women have more

85. Confucius say, woman wearing G-string, high on crack

86. Confucius say, virgin with thimble on finger, never feel prick

87. Confucius say, man who pull woman’s bra strap, may get bust in face

88. Confucius say, woman who pounce on dead rooster, go down on limp cock

89. Confucius say, man who fall in vat of molten glass, make spectacle of self

90. Confucius say, man who jump through screen door, strain self

91. Confucius say, man who push piano down mine shaft, likely to get A flat minor

92. Confucius say, man who put face in punchbowl, get punch in nose

93. Confucius say, woman who sink in man’s arms, soon have arms in man’s sink

94. Confucius say, man who put cock on stove, have hot rod

95. Confucius say, man who fuck in cemetery may end up fucking dead

96. Confucius say, man who jizz in cash register come into money

97. Confucius say, man who drop watch in toilet have shitty time

98. Confucius say, closed mouth catches no flies, but closed fly catches no mouths

99. Confucius say, man who finger girl having period get caught red handed

100. Confucius say, man who go to bed with itchy butt wake up with smelly fingers